Funny Status, Short Funny Quotes
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When you reach the end of your rope,tie a knot in it and hang on..
You can't blame gravity for falling in love.
Last seen 1980! :D
God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me! :)
I hate fake people. You know what I'm talking about.. Mannequins. :D
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
Life is Short - Chat Fast! 😃
If life gives you lemons, just add v0dka.
How can i miss something i never had?
Hey there whatsapp is using me.
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
Fact: Phone on silent mode - 10 Missed call.. Turns volume to loud - Nobody calls all day!!
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.
You can never buy Love... But still you have to pay for it.
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death!
When I'm a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I'm Driving I Hate Pedestrians.
Whoever says "Good Morning" on Monday's deserves to get slapped :)
Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!
► NEW FUNNY STATUS QUOTES:
Save water drink beer. 😃
6 Peg Loading .. :D
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software.. it's called #Monday, please fix it
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
God is really creative, i mean.. just look at me :P
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the.
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
My father always told me, 'Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
If College has taught us anything, it's texting without looking :)
I'm Jealous Of My Parents... I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
Here my dad comes on whatsapp... From now on my status would be '***no status***' or just a smiley.
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
I Like to study.. Arithmetic - NO ... world history - NO .... chemistry - NO .... GIRLS - YES!
Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! :P
People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p
In Modern Politics, Even The Leader Of The Free World Needs Help From The Sultan Of Facebookistan!
C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping :)
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
People who exercise live longer, but what's the point when those extra years are spent at gym.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
It may look like I'm deep in thought, but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food to eat later.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you're going to die.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
We are WTF generation .... WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook :D
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL 😃
It's been 70+ years, Tom. You're never going to eat Jerry :)
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)
There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world.. huh
Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won't make a bad person.
I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, it's still not enough ;)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz
The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
I am not addicted to WHATS APP. I only use it when I have time.. lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is.. Salary is Credited :)
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
In bed, it's 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31
I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day. :)
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)
Boys, if you don't look like calvin klein models, don't expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) :)
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED :)
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
At least mosquito's are attracted to me.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Today's Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. 😃
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions :)
I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice :)
If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
If school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking :)
I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them :)
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
Excuse me.. Plesae empty your pockets.. I think you stole my heart.
I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi :)
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat :)
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture :)
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
I look at people sometimes and think.. Really?? That's the sperm that won :)
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
How do people write an auto biography!! I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday :)
Nothing is illegal until you get caught :)
Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)
Girls work on their looks but not their minds b'coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.
The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me :)
I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something :)
Only fools fall in love and I guess I'm one of them :)
God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China 😃
Friday is my second favorite F word.
For all the girls that say.. All guys are the same.. Who told you to try them ALL.
Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her every day like it's the first time he saw her. And Im that ONE GUY :)
I think I got a fever, a fever of you :)
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday :)
Please GOD if you can't make me slim, make my friends fat.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember thats where the knives are kept. :)
I hate when I am about to hug someone really s*xy and my face hits the mirror.
If a single teacher can't teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number :D
Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.
Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write "SAVE TREES" on the same paper.
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
I don't believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz
Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat :)
It's funny how people judge other's mistakes while they also do the same thing.
The question I have not been able to answer is.. What, does a woman want?
Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down and kill it.
Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she's not coming back.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you"d ordered that.
Money can't buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
► VERY FUNNY STATUS QUOTES:
I speak two languages, Body and English.
BRB = I don't want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don't care.
I'd like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy and Paste :)
Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
If you can't find the key to success, pick the lock.
Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible. 😃
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".
Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror :D
Caution, Blind Man Driving.
Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?
If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status!
We become what we think about.
Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.
Life isn't about getting and having, it's about giving and being.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Whatever it is - I didn't do it!
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter.. people the opposite.
Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
80% of boys have girlfriends.. Rest 20% are having brain.
Person you love is 72.8% water.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
If you can't convince them, Confuse them.
Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.
Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.
I speak my mind.. I never mind what I speak.
Im a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.
my attitude depends upon the people in front of me
No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.
Its Cute When your Crush's Crush is You.
If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady not a dog
I'll be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.
You remind me of my Chinese friend.. Ug Lee
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
► BEST FUNNY STATUS QUOTES:
Life is Short - Chat Fast!
Totally available!! Please disturb me!!
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! He's dreaming too.
Failure is not an option - it comes bundled with Windows.
There are three sides to an argument - your side, my side and the right side.
My wife dresses to kill.. She cooks the same way.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Don't kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbours are not.
I'm not short, I am just concentrated awesome!
You can stay in my heart without paying single penny.
If you don't care stop talking about it.
God was showing off when He created you.
Girl, you better have a license, coz you are driving me crazy!
Never apologize for being you.
I'm a good boy with bad habits :P
Flip a coin... If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine. :)
Don't worry. God is always on time.
She loves me or not but I love her a lot. :P
Girls are like parking spaces, all the good ones are already taken.
Warning, do you think its right time to talk to me?
If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Gravity always gets me down. :)
If life doesn't scare the shit out of you, you're doing it wrong.
I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!
What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!
Money can't buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE
I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.
Behind every successful man.. There is a confused woman.
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.
Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits But Ultimately She Is A Mother And We Should Respect Her.
Sorry.. I'm not Rihanna. I don't love the way you lie.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. :D
HEY YOU, yeah I'm talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
You can never really say what's on your mind, when your family is on Facebook.
I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out!!!
If Sunny Leone marries Sunny Deol, she will also become Sunny Deol :P :D :P :D
Dear LOL and Hamm, Thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say. :D
Dear Sleep! I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger! But NOW I Lubbb you :-D
Our generation doesn't ring the doorbell... we text or call to say we're outside.
We live in WTF generation - Wikipedia, twitter, facebook
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. :p
When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy.
I follow the quote, "Always be true to yourself" because I only lie to others.. :P :D
If "Da Vinci Code" has been written by Punjabi author then its name would be.. Vinci Da Code!
Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it's for your own good. :P
Excuse me! Ye lijiye aapki soch. Mujhe giri hui mili thi. :P
Every time I drink I get awesome :-)
After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.
Bitch is just a term used for girl who refuses dog's proposal. :P
What i if told you...you the read first line wrong.. same with the second. :p
I am so cool, my selfie is called a kulfi!
Some people have relationships and some people have patiyala.
Be careful of following the masses - remove the "m" and who exactly are you following?
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison
Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they won't even bother to read what's inside.
Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA and INTERVIEW.
Newton's law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.
I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time.. lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Sometimes its better to bunk the class instead of attending it Cause today wen I look back, my marks never make me laugh but memories d.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover.
God made coke. God made pepsi. God made me. Oh so s*xy. God made rivers. God made lakes. God made you. Well.. we all make mistakes.
► FUNNY QUOTES:
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves. - Jack Handey
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. - Zach Galifianakis
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that. - Mitch Hedberg
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
I'm on a whisk3y diet.. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. - Doug Stanhope
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. - Larry David
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