Funny Status, Short Funny Quotes

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Funny Status Quotes Short Messages for Whatsapp Facebook

Never apologize for being you.

I'm a good boy with bad habits :P

Flip a coin... If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine. :)

Don't worry. God is always on time.

She loves me or not but I love her a lot. :P

Girls are like parking spaces, all the good ones are already taken.

Warning, do you think its right time to talk to me?

If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

Gravity always gets me down. :)

If life doesn't scare the shit out of you, you're doing it wrong.

I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!

What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!

Money can't buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE

I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.

Behind every successful man... There is a confused woman.

You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.

Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits But Ultimately She Is A Mother And We Should Respect Her.

Sorry... I'm not Rihanna. I don't love the way you lie.

Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. :D

HEY YOU, yeah I'm talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?

You can never really say what's on your mind, when your family is on Facebook.

I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out!!!

If Sunny Leone marries Sunny Deol, she will also become Sunny Deol :P :D :P :D

Dear LOL and Hamm, Thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say. :D

Dear Sleep! I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger! But NOW I Lubbb you :-D

Our generation doesn't ring the doorbell...we text or call to say we're outside...

We live in WTF generation - Wikipedia, twitter, facebook

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. :p

When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy.

I follow the quote, "Always be true to yourself" because I only lie to others... :P :D

If "Da Vinci Code" has been written by Punjabi author then its name would be "Vinci Da Code"!

Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it's for your own good. :P

Excuse me! Ye lijiye aapki soch. Mujhe giri hui mili thi. :P

Every time I drink I get awesome :-)

After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.

Bitch is just a term used for girl who refuses dog's proposal. :P

What i if told the read first line wrong... same with the second... :p

I am so cool, my selfie is called a kulfi!

Some people have relationships and some people have patiyala.

Be careful of following the masses - remove the "m" and who exactly are you following?

"I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves." – Jack Handey

"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort." – Zach Galifianakis

"Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that." – Mitch Hedberg

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen

"I'm on a whiskey diet.. I've lost three days already." – Tommy Cooper

"There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life." – Doug Stanhope

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." – Sam Kinison

Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they won't even bother to read what's inside.

"I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood." – Larry David

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

Newton's law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

vI am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time ... ... ... lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

Sometimes its better to bunk the class instead of attending it Cause today wen I look back, my marks never make me laugh but memories d...

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover.

God made coke. God made pepsi. God made me. Oh so sexy. God made rivers. God made lakes. God made you. Well... we all make mistakes.

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